[bbs] first person to suggest a self-help book gets defenestrated

[espio]

[Considering how happy Espio has been lately, his recent moping certainly seems quite a dramatic contrast... and after the weekend, it has only become worse. Moreso now because he's noticed it, which made him think, which in turn made him think of other things to be unhappy about.

The obvious solution might have been to tackle the cause... but unfortunately, despite what it might look like to a few people, the cause just isn't one isolated thing, and the only ways he can see to tackle the issues he can tackle look pretty hopeless.]

So what do you do when doing and/or thinking something is ridiculously bad for you and by extension the people around you, but no matter what you do to distract yourself and put your focus on something else, you can't help yourself? Even though all the logic and reasonable thinking you possess says you're wrong and stupid.

I don't mean anything specific, more a collection of things. They don't even make sense, so don't ask. General summary is: I'm an idiot.

Comments

[espio]

Because I just am.

I've still got stuff on my mind from... well, things from years ago, that have just come back up. And thinking about how this world is so... I dunno, I don't like this notion that hurting kids is good for them, and using them as sacrifices is acceptable. And I keep jumping to dumb conclusions. Like the whole thing with Toby - I love Toby, sp it hurts like hell he said what he did even though I know I'm interpreting it wrong. And then there's this family...

[Sigh. That... came easier than he thought.]

So, it's all stupid that I'm letting it get to me, because I shouldn't. The past is past and Toby... will recover, given time...

[om_nom_namur]

[Namur settles down to his knees, actually listening for once. He gets fidgety though, and eventually sets his palms on the floor and swings his legs around front, then crosses them.]

Yeah, think we all got shit from the past comin' up t' bite us in the ass right now. What's Toby's deal, though? I mean, there's quiet an' then there's... well. What he was the other day. Was like he didn't even realize his little spark ra- uh. Peek-at-somethin'. Like he didn't even realize that thing was doin' her best t' put us under.

[espio]

I don't think he did realise. Long ago, his default response to any problem was to run from it - I think he was more focused on the running, and the getting away, not thinking about the actual "threat" he was running from. Where he came from... he had a lot of reason to run.

It's only recently he's learned to stand his ground, especially when it really counts.

Something's bugging him, and it's bad enough to make him take a big step backwards. But... it only started after you all were fighting, back when Marco did that thing...

[om_nom_namur]

Does he sense chemicals?

[Namur's been drawing random things in the pile of the carpet, but he looks up at Espio to see his answer.]

I was pretty pissed an' lettin' a bunch a nasty ones off. Humans don't usually pay attention t' that kind a thing though. But if he's sensitive to 'em he might a been jus' scared shitless an' not even know why.

[espio]

No. At least not that I'm aware of. He did say he thought he'd said the wrong thing, but at that time he was acting mostly as normal.

[om_nom_namur]

Well, he did say some dumb shit, not goin' t' lie.

[There's a hint of laughter in his tone- the awkward kind, but there nevertheless.]

But I dunno. People say dumb shit all the time. They tell themselves whatever they need, in order t' deal with their own problems.

[Namur frowns, his brows knitting together.]

Would he seriously freak out this much jus' cuz he thought he said somethin' stupid?

[espio]

Not by itself, I don't think. But if he thought he'd hurt someone, or made them hate him, or whatever... I dunno. Still not by itself, but...

[Sigh.]

There's gotta be something else.

[om_nom_namur]

[Namur's quiet a moment, runs his fingers over the modified tattoo under his jaw.]

Y' can't always figure out what's in other peoples heads, even when y' know 'em inside an' out. Sometimes y' got t' trust them t' trust you 'nuff t' come tell y' their shit, y' know? Once they know y'll listen, that is. Mean, I don't know Toby all that well, an' what I seen of him ain't makin' me think he's anythin' more'n jus' a damn brat pitchin' a fit. If that's the case though then it ain't yer fault, an' eventually he'll grow up an' get over it. Cuz it ain't worth losin' someone y' love, y' catch me?

He'll come 'round.

[Namur sounds a lot more sure of that last part than he actually feels. But, no. He has to believe in whatever Toby's strength might be just as much as he does Marco's and Thatch's. It will happen. Cuz Marco wouldn't take anyone for a son unless they had enough strength to come back and face their fears.]

[espio]

If he were just some dumb brat, do you think I'd've asked him to marry me?

[Scowl. Dumb brat, huh?]

Eventually. But it'll take time. I don't think he entirely knows the problem himself - and that's part of it.

[om_nom_namur]

[Namur shrugs. He don't know, man. People got weird kinks, ok?]

Is that part a yer problem too? Feelin' like y' want t' be the one that solves it for him?

[espio]

No. Nobody can solve other people's problems just like that - that's too easy, he has to put effort into it too. I just want to help.

[om_nom_namur]

Does he talk t' y' if y' jus' show up an' go "A'ight, shoot" or anythin'?

[espio]

Nope.

[om_nom_namur]

Well shit.