[BBS] ICK.

[espio]

[Espio is... bored. He was training in his much weaker human form during Galbadia's attack, trying to better familiarise himself with fighting with it, and took nasty injuries to his shoulder and leg that wouldn't have been anywhere near as bad if he'd been in his usual, durable chameleon form at the time. Add the limitations of para-magic and complications arising from the magical fun of shapeshifting, and lizard boy has pretty much been out of action for a couple of weeks.

A couple of weeks of lots of reading. Fiction and cookbooks and recapping on Indirect Para-Magic and all sorts. It led to a few discoveries, the best of which was black forest hot chocolate - basically the world's best cake in hot drink form. And... less delicious things Espio has no intention of eating any time soon. Or, you know, ever.

He's back on his feet, but still needs to take it easy, much to his continued frustration. Here, BBS, have a taste of Espio's reading materials.]

Okay, you lot seem to think eating bugs is disgusting and gross and whatever, despite the fact everyone's from different worlds and cultures. Can't believe how multi-universal the "bugs are icky" train of thought is. But you know, there's worse things out there than bugs - worlds are full of very different countries and cultures and stuff.

So, here's another one of those good old "tell us about your world" BBS posts. Natives included.

Subject: Disgusting foods.



1. Natto. Basically a bunch of rotted beans. They look rotten, they smell rotten, and they're covered in a sticky and stringy mess because they're just that rotten. I mean, fermentation always sounds nasty, but in this case the end product itself is foul.

2. Maggot cheese. I think it has an actual name. Yeah, I'm fine with eating bugs, but there's something about maggots that even I find gross. So try cheese infested with live maggots (deliberately put there, I'll add), which have been eating and digesting said cheese, basically decomposing it. Oh, and you eat it while the maggots are still alive, and chances are high they'll still be alive when they come out again. AND the maggots can jump about six inches or so. Delicious.

3. Balut. It's a fertilised egg. There is a half-developed baby bird inside that thing when it gets boiled. I don't think any more needs to be said on why that is disturbing.

Comments

[espio]

Shift your ass out of there, Marco. This stuff will probably never enter the vicinity outside of books.

[Because he can't see breakdown, and isn't really connecting "Marco is a bird" to anything either because, well... you know, there's a huge difference between, say, bugs that are food and bugs that are people. He already kind of has that division set in his mind for all species. For all he knows, there's a non-sapient food source human species somewhere.]

[fierybluebird]

No. I don't care. I don't want to live in a world where people think balut is food.

[espio]

There's plenty of shit that's sick and wrong out there, Marco. That's reality for you.

[Yeah. No, he's still not processing Marco's response properly.]

I doubt anyone around here thinks it's food.

[fierybluebird]

I don't care. Someone somewhere did. The universe is wrong and nothing will ever be right again.

[MOST DRAMATIC BREAK DOWN EVER.]

[espio]

[Oh, drama drama. There's so much sick and wrong out there, what's one more crime against sanity in the grand scheme of things? Anyone would think Espio'd gone and made boiled duck foetus himself...

Espio is glad he's back on his feet. It means he can make his way sloooowly over to Marco's room and punch him in the head.]

1/2

[fierybluebird]

[He will kick you man! Kick you hard!]

2/2

[fierybluebird]

[And then go back to being curled up like a baby bird under a fluffy blanket. Screw you and everything. There is a place in the world where people boil half developed birds and this is more traumatic than just eggs or chickens. Because he says so.]

HUMAN ICONS because I need to update my paaaaid and I'm too lazy to go find my card.

[espio]

[Oh, that's it, Marco, just kick the guy who's still barely walking. Not even a comment of "hey, you're up and punching things again"?

THANKS A LOT.

Gonna jumps on top of the fluffy blanket and grabs hold.]

Oh, thanks, do you want to rip my shoulder back open again?! Geez!

[Thumps the bundle of blanket, but not as hard as he could.]

Cut it out. You can't hide from the world.

S'fine XD

[fierybluebird]

No. I can and I will. Until my next mission.

I'm staying in the blanket forever. The blanket is my shell and it's too thick to be boiled.

[espio]

Get out of the foetal position before someone mistakes you for one! [A kick. And a small whimper because that was the hurt leg.] Your blanket can't save you!

[NOT HELPING.]

[fierybluebird]

[Wibbles! MANLY TEARS.]

No.

If they're going to mistake me for one then they can just do away with me.

[ALL THE DRAMATIC. Just be glad Marco and Grell can't actually have kids or that would be the most dramatic kid ever.]

[espio]

Oh my GOD.

[THIS IS STUPID.

Grabs blanket and attempts to pull off.]

[fierybluebird]

[Tugs it back down. NEVER COMING OUT EVER AGAIN.]

[espio]

[DON'T MAKE HIM GET UNDER THAT BLANKET WITH YOU MARCO.

BECAUSE HE WILL.

...and he is.

Why? Probably just to try more physical violence, actually. It's Espio. Hitting and yelling at things is just how he handles problems.]

[fierybluebird]

[Oh, what's that? Violence? Nope! You're getting hugged in wings and blanket and warmth and love.]

There is nothing sadder than baby birds being cut down undeveloped.

[espio]

[He can try! ...except no, he can't, because asgsfff hugged too much to move. Other than wriggling and wriggling.]

Bollocks. There's loads of stuff out there that's sad and horrible! Balut is just one of them! It's not like it's not sad, but it's not "bury yourself in a blanket and refuse to live" sad - it's "get out there and kick some bastard's ass for doing that" sad!

[Yes, his usage of profanity has shot up hugely. This is because of the extra-cranky - he can't be arsed to keep his language clean today.]

[fierybluebird]

You're right. Who should I get revenge on?

[Is this really what you want Espio?]

[espio]

How'm I supposed to know who eats that stuff?

[fierybluebird]

Who invented it?

[espio]

Who looked at a cow and thought "hey, let's pull on those dangly bits and drink what comes out?"

I don't know! Whoever it was is probably long dead already!

[fierybluebird]

Mammals drink milk already Espio.

Fine, why does anyone still eat it then? How many of them are there?

[espio]

Fine, but why cows? And who discovered that stuff from the stomachs of their unweaned babies turned milk into cheese?

I don't know who eats it. It just came up in a book! Not even a cookbook - one of those "world's strangest whatevers" type of things they put out for the chronically bored.

[fierybluebird]

So maybe no one eats it?

[espio]

[Hesitates.]

...maybe. Could be a historical thing.

[He's sure the book said something about where, but he was too busy focusing on the sheer wtfery of boiled duck foetus to care.

Mental note: remove this book from the library before Marco finds it and attempts retribution. Resort to theft if necessary.]

[fierybluebird]

[Save the book Espio. Save it. But not this minute. Because Marco picks up Espio and puts him on his shoulders and starts walking straight to the kitchens. They're still wearing the blanket by the way. Oh and feel free to ask what the heck is going on because Marco hasn't explained it yet.]