The Gossip Around Garden X

[wr_gossip]

Greetings Balamb Garden!

We've missed all of you! Because of that, we're bringing you some new, juicy news! Let's get your lips wet and quench that thirst!


Thatch is becoming Garden's new homewrecker, following in the footsteps of so many preceding him! Those are large shoes to fill, sir, but he seems to be near the brim already!

So, just who is on his hit list so far?!

First, there is Marco! They were spotted having sloppy makeouts on the beach! What will his wife think?! Perhaps she's too busy sneaking into his room late at night in nothing but a robe and tousled hair! What's wrong with this family?! Then there's that fish guy! Bleh!! We really need to question Thatch's tastes! But in truth, we should be questioning all of Garden's tastes!! We think he's a pansexual!

Let's move right along to that girl with those bunny ears and our infamous pink haired anomaly! Fionna tries so hard to sweep Pinkie off her feet, mostly literally, and fails!! Mr. Champloo's smooth moves are no match for Fionna's imperfect catching! How does Pinkie do it?! No, really! We really want to know!! She seems able to get anyone she wants, even that fish guy!!

Next, we have Greed and Selphie! They are so very hot for each other, but are too thick to realize it! It's really sad, since even Rainbow Dash and Edward have already realized their passion for each other, in their own little way! Get it together, you two! It's embarrassing that not even the same species, but similar stubborn traits, are doing better than you!

You know who we haven't seen around in a long time?! Mikuru! What's the point of having large breasts if she isn't going to use them for fame?! What a waste! But what's even more surprising is that nothing is going on with that new pilot, Zechs! It's very odd! We'll give it some time!

Our most interesting discovery is Commander Zabala and…long swords! We all knew, deep down, that she had a thing for them! Does anyone else think she should just hook up with Maria already?! Are we implying that Maria has a long sword?! Why, yes, we are! Both figuratively and literally! Feel free to state that we're wrong on only one front, though!

Speaking of hopes, we bet that Zelos is hoping that he'll not be forever paired with rejection! He's just trying too hard that it's pathetic! What a turn off! He's probably not that great in bed! But he's pretty to look at!

Lastly, we have some potential coming our way! That little furry, Emias, wants to very much make sure everyone knows Espio walks around naked. How does his fiance feel, knowing that Espio is showing his business to the entirety of Garden?! Why is Emias so concerned about this?! Better watch out, Espio! You may have a stalker in your midst, or possibly a new fan!

Coming up in our next column: who will wear the wedding dress?! If Tobias asked nicely, would Espio do it?!

…probably not!!


Until next time, Garden!

Miss Tattler

Comments

[corruptedsouls]

Um, if we did do it that way, I'd probably wear it. I don't mind.

[espio]

Hey, don't attach your human clothing values to me. Humans are the ones with the evolutionary design flaw that lets all their equipment dangle.

[espio]

Nah, I'm not big on the whole frilly dress thing.

[corruptedsouls]

I like them, though! They feel a little weird, but they're pretty.

[gotgreedy]

I'll cheerfully admit to anyone who asks that I'm hot for Selphie. Girl's sexy.

-Greed

[thatched]

You've been spying, you naughty thing. Next time ask and we'll give you front row seats. ~<3

[lightspears]

[...Zelos is, whether surprising or not, this close to cracking up over here. If only she knew that getting rejected was a good sign!]

I could always demonstrate my prowess should you wish it, my lady.

[thatched]

P.S. Grell was me too, I'm afraid. That sweet lady does love a sandwich.

[thatched]

It does need a good airing once in a while.

[thatched]

Better treat her well then, lad.

[redcinemareel]

....excuse you?!

[thatched]

And what makes you so certain it's a lady?

[thatched]

It seems I've said too much!

[espio]

[There are certain downsides to dating being engaged to Tobias. It's not that he misses the point - well, okay, it is often that - but it's also that he doesn't see why the point is there in the first place. His perspective can be interesting at times, but...

In this case? Espio just doesn't find feminine clothes attractive. Okay? Okay.]

Pretty, maybe, but you'd look way better in a suit. Or hell, your SeeD uniform when you get it.

[espio]

Not anywhere near me, thank you very much.

[om_nom_namur]

Damn. Looks like were both on the loser list this time around

[Namur actually is cracking up over here.]

[om_nom_namur]

Jealous much?

[redcinemareel]

You probably shouldn't have said anything!

[thatched]

Well you're not my type in any case. Though you do have a fantastic body. You must work out.

[lightspears]

She certainly seems to want us to believe it, at any rate, if "Miss" is anything to go by. But not being a lady would explain a lot.

[thatched]

I doubt anyone would believe a scandal from you, sweet lady. Nevertheless, I apologize. Please allow me to make it up to you.

[thatched]

Watch who you're calling a loser, chum for brains.

[lightspears]

Well, someone's gotta be on it. Just didn't really expect it to be me. Oh well. Can't win 'em all.

[thatched]

What would it explain exactly?

[redcinemareel]

I need to watch my figure. [No matter how delicious his cake is!]