witchesreign | [ action ] The Quad

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[ action ] The Quad

[In some slightly off-the-beaten-path part of the quad today, there is a giant pie, and by giant, you could say that several grown men could fit inside of it comfortably--it is, however, oozing apple filling and not... blood or something else onto the grass, so perhaps that's a comforting thought. On top of said pie, there's a rather odd assortment of other baked goods: muffins, strudals, loaves of bread, cookies...

It's a surprisingly expansive list! The odd thing about the pile, however, is how nothing appears to be of the normal size; everything is either too big or too small. There are doughnut holes larger than your head, and yet, at the same time, there are cinnamon rolls you could fit on a fingernail.

Well, at least they taste good? If you're brave enough to try one at least.

Oh, right, there's also a guy seated a few feet behind the giant pile of baked goods, leaning against the base of a tree. He appears to be surveying the stack with mild interest as he munches on a cookie the size of a hubcap.]

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[ There's a stretch of silence as they chew, Kiden ruminating. Finally: ]

These cookies aren't like, made from your dead skin cells or something, are they?

[ so how about them less awkward but still awkward topics of conversation??? ]

What? No! Of course not! What sorta shitty idea is that?

[True facts: Zephyr actually has no idea, but he's just going to go with no because any other answer would be too disgusting.]

Well, where the fuck do they come from, then? Are you psychically stealing from bakeries or something?

Does it matter where I get them from? They probably come from some... alternate baking dimension.

[ A snort of amusement. ]

'Alternate baking dimension'? Sign me up. I'd eat this shit all day, dead skin cells can bite me.

[Zephyr rolls his eyes, but he's grinning. Still, he materializes a small roll and tosses it at her head.]

Yeah, like you'd ever say no to free food.

[ Catches it deftly. It is going to her mouth. ]

You know me too well. I don't say no to free anything.

[ nom. ]

So now you're going to be mooching off of me forever?

Fuck yeah, or at least until the whole Muffin Man schtick goes away. If it goes away.

Just FYI--I haven't figured out how to make fat-free stuff, so don't blame me if you end up gaining weight or somethin' 'cause you keep eating them.

Zephyr. Zephyr. Look at me.

[ Motions re: skinny-ass everything. ]

Now guess how many fucks I give about carbs and shit.

[ SPOILER: NOT A WHOLE BUNCH. ]

[Zephyr looks at Kiden. Okay, point taken.]

I'm just sayin'. Some girls worry about that stuff.

Yeah, well, I'm not one of 'those girls'.

[ Kiden's tone makes it amply clear how she feels about those girls. ]

[He rolls his eyes again.]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. I got it. Sorry for lumping you in with them. Damn. You want me to make it up to you or somethin'?

[ As a matter of fact!

Kiden takes the rest of the roll Zephyr gave her, and crams it into her mouth. Chipmunk cheeks! Sexy.

She then cups her hand in front of her as if to say 'more, please!' ]

[Zephyr cracks up.]

Nice face you're making. You want anything in particular? Or should I just go with the grab bag selection?

[ She just chews for a moment.

Chew, chew, chew, progressively realizing this is getting her nowhere at the speed of light...

Realizing she can't talk around the massive glutinous mass in her mouth...

Fuuuucckkk...

Kiden settles on showing him two fingers (option #2) and a thumbs up. BRING ON THE APOCALOAF. ]

[Well. If Kiden wants the apocaloaf, then Kiden gets the apocaloaf.

Zephyr grins and then proceeds to create a mini-mountain of goodies in her hands before dropping a few more hubcap-sized cookies on her head.]

That good enough for now?

Yuu beff!

[ Translation from the original Chipmunk: you're the best!

Kiden, still chewing with the furious power of a thousand suns, happily gathers up the loaves and rolls and cakes and tarts and what-have-you in her arms, while making sure to stay relatively stable so as not to disturb the small pile of cookies that are precariously staying on her head. She gives the ones that fall off mournful looks. ]

[Zephyr has to admit that Kiden's kind of cute like that--all excited about the food and whatnot--and it brings an easy grin to his face.]

Plenty more where those came from. All you gotta do is ask.

[Whether or not he'll be eating those words later... Well, only time will tell.]

[ Finally, finally she manages to swallow enough dough to be able to form a coherent sentence! ]

You bet your ass I will.

[ She is regarding Zephyr with a vaguely predatory glint in her eyes, possibly bebating her breakfast/lunch/dinner menu of the next few days. ]

Can you do stuff on request or does it just...pop up?

Depends on what you're requesting. I'm still workin' some kinks out, but I can give it a shot.

You got something in mind?

[This look on his face? It has challenge written allllll over it.]

How about a cake inside another cake? With like, those snooty-ass candy flowers all over it. I'll give you bonus points if it says 'fuck you' in frosting.

[Well, that earns Kiden a bit of a dumb stare for a second. Oddly enough, Zephyr hasn't tried cakes yet, but now that she's asking...

He narrows his eyes in concentration and then a cake the height of a full grown man appears about a foot away from her. It's admittedly a bit plain in coloring--being all white, like a wedding cake--but if she cuts inside, she will find another smaller cake--also white.

The decorations? Well... They could probably use some work. There are flowers, but they're... kind of ugly and... the letters to spell out "fuck you" are there. Unfortunately, they're spread out all over the place.]

Dammit. [He frowns at his creation.] Gonna have to try that again.

Holy shit, dude! That is seriously badass.

[ She turns inquisitive eyes on him. ] Does it...hurt, or anything? Do you get a headache?

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