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[moirailcompass]

[It was past curfew, Nepeta knew she should be in her dorm. Especially given how many rules she had broken yesterday, and the fact that some instructors probably thought she was rabid now, it was probably be a good thing to lay low for a while. Unfortunately she still wasn't use to this whole being active during the day thing.

Sleep in general was something that was started to become hard for her to come by, having no sopor slime to keep the nightmares and visions of carnage that plagued trolls away. Her cave had never sported a recuperacoon, but until recent events she had always been able to deal without.

Not so much now, so it was no wonder that she was awake at this moment. She peeked her head out her door to see if there was anyone else, before hurriedly closing it and scampering up the stairs nearby.

Things had gotten minimally better as of late. She found herself being genuinely happy whenever she hung out with her room mate, Ronnae, and the kittens she and Greece now had gave her something to distract herself. Different people whether intentionally or not had brought her small moments of comfort but they only lasted so long, and like now she was desperate for someone to talk to.

Specifically, Karkat, and so here she was at the door to his dorm. She hesitated, by then gave a few soft knocks.]

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[moirailcompass]

[That last statement was a little shocking, even more so for its complete honesty. If she were to be honest as well, for a moment she did feel a wave of anger directed towards Karkat pass through her, but it left as quickly as it had come and she sighed, shoving her hands in her pockets.]

He knew too. He said goodbye to met before he went on his search. He knew what he was getting into and he still went because he wanted to try. It was still his decision. [and while a small part of her did feel some pride in that, how she wished he hadn't]

[she shook her head] You can blame yourself for asking him to go after Gamzee, you can blame Equius for not fighting back, hell, you can even blame me for gawking like a dumbass while it was all happening. But what is all this blaming going to accomplish?

Once Gamzee had lost it, there was no way things could have turned out perfectly.

[ragesnake.livejournal.com]

I just fucking wish he hadn't, Nepeta. You're okay, because you're here, but for how much longer if you get sent home? There was-- [He stops, abruptly turning the other direction and shaking his head. The scars on Gamzee's face were too tell-tale to not be from Nepeta's claws. Tavros was dead, Equius was dead, Nepeta was dead in his part of the timeline, none of them were going to survive except maybe Vriska. He shakes his head for a while.]

Why Gamzee, of all people? And fucking Eridan, I just... it's almost like they're worse off, being higher on the spectrum, because they're the ones that apparently can't keep their shit together. Feferi might have if she'd survived. [He's rambling, and there's a hint of hysteria to his tone, but he's remarkably calm in his actions and facial expressions. His ears are even mostly still, but that could just be because he's so beyond frazzled he can't even muster the energy to be upset.]

[moirailcompass]

[Not long if she was sent back to the same time and place. She could still see Gamzee's silhouette--light cast against shadow as he was raising his club to bring down on her head and finish her off.]

[She steps towards him a little when his pitch starts to rise a bit, and carefully, uncertainly she reaches to take ahold of part of his sleeve]

We could keep asking those questions again, and again, and going over everything that happened but unfortunately it isn't going to change a thing. We need to--try

[because she knew it wasn't easy. It wasn't easy at all, and she had barely been doing that until they conversation.]

to focus on the now. Sure we may be sent back any day, but there is nothing we can do to control that, so we shouldn't dwell on it.

Now is all we have, after all. But I'm alive. And you're alive. That has to count for something, at least.