witchesreign | o3. ♌ action

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[It was past curfew, Nepeta knew she should be in her dorm. Especially given how many rules she had broken yesterday, and the fact that some instructors probably thought she was rabid now, it was probably be a good thing to lay low for a while. Unfortunately she still wasn't use to this whole being active during the day thing.

Sleep in general was something that was started to become hard for her to come by, having no sopor slime to keep the nightmares and visions of carnage that plagued trolls away. Her cave had never sported a recuperacoon, but until recent events she had always been able to deal without.

Not so much now, so it was no wonder that she was awake at this moment. She peeked her head out her door to see if there was anyone else, before hurriedly closing it and scampering up the stairs nearby.

Things had gotten minimally better as of late. She found herself being genuinely happy whenever she hung out with her room mate, Ronnae, and the kittens she and Greece now had gave her something to distract herself. Different people whether intentionally or not had brought her small moments of comfort but they only lasted so long, and like now she was desperate for someone to talk to.

Specifically, Karkat, and so here she was at the door to his dorm. She hesitated, by then gave a few soft knocks.]

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[The lack of recuperacoons in the Garden was only really a third of the reason Karkat wasn't sleeping. The two other reasons involved a rule he had made about not sleeping that he felt he needed to obey himself or it was setting a bad example, and a crazed clown.]

[He had taken up a corner of A201, and since he really didn't have any belongings had just sort of settled to sit there through most of the days. Curfew was one of the stupidest things-- they took absolutely nothing into account about nocturnal species. Stupid humans.]

[Duo was probably asleep, or at least pretending to be asleep, as Karkat skulked across the room from his corner to the door, intending to slip out and... Well, he wasn't sure what he was intending to do.]

[So when Nepeta's knock came as he went for the door handle, he nearly jumped out of his skin. It took him a few seconds, but he turned the door handle and peered out a narrow crack into the hallway.]

[...Oh, Nepeta. He frowned.]

What do you want, Leijon?

Hey, Karkat. I was, um, just coming to see how you were doing.

[It hadn't really been all that long ago since they talked, when he first arrived but it certainly felt like it]

[He frowned at her for a while, glanced over his shoulder, and slipped out the door, pulling it closed behind him.]

This place is just as stupid as I figured it would be. Sharing spaces, they don't even know what a recuperacoon is... [He shakes his head, rolling his eyes.] Nevermind this curfew hoofbeastshit.

Yea, it is. [Usually Nepeta tried to see the silver lining but the whole curfew mess pretty much meant that they couldn't really do anything without having to completely go against their nature as nocturnal creatures. Well, almost anything. She knew that the training center at least was one place they could go.]

You were going out?

I'm sure as hell not going to stay in there all the time.

Could I maybe come with you then? I don't want to stay in my room either.

[A shrug.] Leadership is sort of a moot point here, Nepeta. I'm not going to tell you what you can and cannot do. [Which is as close to a "sure, come along" you're getting from him.]

[Well that was good enough for her, and she folded her arms behind her and made to follow him]

So what's your room mate like? [She was genuinely curious, feeling she had been very lucky in who she ended up with but she also wanted to try and avoid the awkwardness that pervaded so much of their last conversation.]

[He offers a noncommittal grunt and shrug of one of his shoulders.] His name's Duo, which is stupid, his hair is longer than Aradia's, he's mentioned something about big robots. I tend to tune out most of what he says, the fucker talks too much.

Oh Duo? I know him! He was super nice to me when I furst got here. He was the one who told me about the training center which is purrabably the best place in here, and we can go there after curfew without getting in trouble.

[Karkat looks vaguely interested.] Training Center?

It's like a furrest full of lotsa diffurent creatures fur students to fight. It's purrty big and has one area inside where you can rest and be away furrom the monsters.

[He thinks on this for a second, and then gives her a vaguely bored expression.] And let me guess, you've been spending a lot of time in there.

Yea I have. It's purrty much the closest thing to home I've been to since...well since we started playing that stupid game.

[Until the events with Gamzee she had never really resented SGRUB. She had always felt somewhat weighed down by it, but it had been easy to push those feelings aside. Now every time she thought of it she couldn't help but feel a little bitter.]

[His ears flick in a sort of flinching motion and he looks the other way, pointedly.]

How far were you before you got dragged here?

[Oh. Her own ears and tail drooped at the question. She hadn't really talked about the events previous to her coming here with anyone. She briefly mentioned 'her friend's' death to Ronnae but she had avoided the subject as a whole.]

Um.

[It was something that she had tried to avoid thinking about and she half didn't want to answer the question, especially if Karkat didn't have any idea of what had gone down]

Er.

[A thick silence hung in the air for a while before she finally answer in a really quiet tone]

After Gamzee, um, after me and Equius found him.

[If he was far enough along, he would know what she meant. If not, maybe she could just make something up.]

[He kept walking, but slowed down a good deal, still looking away from her. His ears stayed mostly stationary until he turned back to look at her, at which point they folded backward and flat against his head, sort of like a scolded cat.]

I shouldn't have asked him to go after Gamzee.

[And that's... about all he has to say on the matter, in a sort of final tone like he regrets it but wouldn't apologize for it, because an apology would feel wrong in this instance. He's simply admitting that it was a mistake.]

[Strangely enough she straightened a little more at the sight of him. Sweeps of being the moirail to someone as temperamental as Equius had given her a lot of experience listening and trying to help others sort their emotions.

Her own? Not so much, but she knew she definitely did not like this self-blaming Karkat was doing]

Karkat, you did the only thing you could. Equius was the only one who could have taken Gamzee down. He could have if he had fought him but.

[but he didn't, and despite that Nepeta couldn't find it in herself to stay angry. After all, she hadn't exactly done much to help him]

If he had, then it would have ensured that no lives were lost to him. The only person to blame here is Gamzee himself.

I'm still responsible, just on account of being the leader. I should have had a better plan. [He paused for a moment, contemplative. He felt responsible as the leader, and moreover as their friend, if grudgingly. It was one of those instances where he was certain he was realizing what he had only after it was gone, and it made him so angry with himself and the situation that he honestly felt a little sick. He continued his train of thought before Nepeta could tell him it wasn't his fault.] And that doesn't change the fact that Equius was our best bet, but it still means I sent a troll to his death. I think I knew that even then.

[That last statement was a little shocking, even more so for its complete honesty. If she were to be honest as well, for a moment she did feel a wave of anger directed towards Karkat pass through her, but it left as quickly as it had come and she sighed, shoving her hands in her pockets.]

He knew too. He said goodbye to met before he went on his search. He knew what he was getting into and he still went because he wanted to try. It was still his decision. [and while a small part of her did feel some pride in that, how she wished he hadn't]

[she shook her head] You can blame yourself for asking him to go after Gamzee, you can blame Equius for not fighting back, hell, you can even blame me for gawking like a dumbass while it was all happening. But what is all this blaming going to accomplish?

Once Gamzee had lost it, there was no way things could have turned out perfectly.

I just fucking wish he hadn't, Nepeta. You're okay, because you're here, but for how much longer if you get sent home? There was-- [He stops, abruptly turning the other direction and shaking his head. The scars on Gamzee's face were too tell-tale to not be from Nepeta's claws. Tavros was dead, Equius was dead, Nepeta was dead in his part of the timeline, none of them were going to survive except maybe Vriska. He shakes his head for a while.]

Why Gamzee, of all people? And fucking Eridan, I just... it's almost like they're worse off, being higher on the spectrum, because they're the ones that apparently can't keep their shit together. Feferi might have if she'd survived. [He's rambling, and there's a hint of hysteria to his tone, but he's remarkably calm in his actions and facial expressions. His ears are even mostly still, but that could just be because he's so beyond frazzled he can't even muster the energy to be upset.]

[Not long if she was sent back to the same time and place. She could still see Gamzee's silhouette--light cast against shadow as he was raising his club to bring down on her head and finish her off.]

[She steps towards him a little when his pitch starts to rise a bit, and carefully, uncertainly she reaches to take ahold of part of his sleeve]

We could keep asking those questions again, and again, and going over everything that happened but unfortunately it isn't going to change a thing. We need to--try

[because she knew it wasn't easy. It wasn't easy at all, and she had barely been doing that until they conversation.]

to focus on the now. Sure we may be sent back any day, but there is nothing we can do to control that, so we shouldn't dwell on it.

Now is all we have, after all. But I'm alive. And you're alive. That has to count for something, at least.

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