witchesreign | [ very backdated action/text ] ϟ [ 06 ]

[Cid doesn't actually catch her BBS notice, and it's by chance that he sees her all but storming out of the building. While a fair number of SeeDs have been mobilizing of late, what with the recent influx of villains from elsewhere, there's something decidedly off about Claire's departure. He can't quite pin it down, and it bothers him.

Her earlier warnings of something bad coming are brought to the forefront of his mind, and it's that that makes him close the distance between them, call out to her despite what could be called, at best, a strained and hateful relationship.]

Lieutenant.

[ At the sound of Raines' voice, what had been a subtly pained but neutral expression on Claire's face... rapidly regresses into what's best described as watered-down, furiously agonized instead. She freezes mid-step, head down, her hands clenching by her sides.

Lieutenant? Is she still a lieutenant when--

No, of course she is, but...

All in all, she can't be 100% sure whether or not she can actually believe what the man in the train station said to her, but regardless... something in her worldview has been broken in the mean time- something that was already far too fragile, despite everything else being so specifically tailored towards protecting it.

... And when the truth is considered, counting on its survival just to keep her going. ]

What?

[ Her voice is quiet and low-toned, and she seemingly refuses to look over. ]

[He doesn't bother stepping closer, doesn't bother trying to meet her gaze. If she can hear him and if she responds, then Cid won't ask for more--doesn't expect more, really.]

Where are you going? Another mission?

[His eyes narrow. No, that's not right...

Tense she may have been before, the feeling is almost tangible around her now. Cid is by no means close to her, but it doesn't taken all that much familiarity to realize that something is not right.]

Does this have anything to do with what we spoke of last?

... I'm leaving.

[ For good, probably, and that's all there is to it. She just ignores the second question, albeit fighting down a rush of loathing in the process, at herself for not doing much of anything about that strange warning she'd felt. Despite it being bad enough that she actually told Raines.

Her teeth clench, but other than that she doesn't move. ]

Is Garden's security compromised?

[--or is this a personal matter?]

If such is the case, I ask that you disclose any pertinent information--as one SeeD to another.

[He cannot outright stop her from leaving, not without force at least, but if she would at least answer his query, a part of him would be put at ease. Cid has long grown tired of her stubbornness, and while he still wishes that she would open her eyes to the truth, he sees that hope all but gone now. She is a dead man walking--albeit in a different world--just like him.

No, his question is asked out of regard for his new home, not for her.]

[ -- Is Garden's security... ]

What?

[ As it stands, the sense that question makes to Claire at first is entirely nonexistent. Her chin lowered, she finally looks over at the man, but it's mostly devoid of anything but confused irritation. Asking about the status of the security here-- she doesn't care any more! Nor does she comprehend why he'd be asking her in the first place. Since the incident in the train station, she's had plenty of miserable hours to think on it, to the point that her ability to process is more or less burned out. She--

Oh.

Realization flickers across her face, although perhaps not quite for the right reasons. Her gaze is no less unhappy or dark, as her gaze slides away. ]

Not if I'm not here.

[Well, that certainly is curious.

So some personal demons are chasing after her then? Cid briefly considers the options of what they are, and after a moment, he decides that chances are pretty good that if she does leave that her troubles are not his.

It's likely cold of him to leave her to be like this, perhaps even a little dangerous, but he cannot bring himself to care anymore. He's long spent his patience on her, and if there's no need to worry about the Garden being harmed, then he's done here.]

Very good then. [He dips his head slightly and starts to turn away.] Safe travels then, Lieutenant.

[ Except rather than feel any relief that he's about to finally leave her alone again, Claire freezes. Her stress here seems to only increase, expression twisting as she debates with herself in anger past sluggish thoughts... and eventually amends in her mind, half against her will, that no, she didn't quite answer his question properly.

Not that she's certain on why that should bother her - she owes him nothing after what he's said to her before - but her drive to remain truthful apparently affects her even now... and her drive to remain stubborn falters.

Jaw still tight, she turns suddenly, head down, the grip of her hand on the bag's strap over her shoulder white-knuckled in its intensity. ]

-- Wait.

[That one little word--it carries far more weight to it than it should.

Cid stops, but he doesn't immediately turn back around. In fact, he briefly contemplates just leaving her. He expects nothing but vicious words, filled with spite and venom, from her by now, and if that's all she's going to fling at him now, he can do without them--quite happily, thank you.

His head drops a little to follow his gaze to the floor before he sighs, heavily enough that even she can hear, and faces her.]

Is there something else?

[He doesn't bother veiling his irritation this time around. His eyebrows rise slightly in inquiry as he waits for an answer. This had better not be a waste of his time.]

[ Except that this time, there is no spite or venom- frustrated anger, yes, but for once it's conflicted at best and obviously not aimed at Raines directly. Her tongue presses to the back of her teeth, still wanting to throw her dislike at the man - never mind, go to hell, thanks for nothing, all sentiments that are practically instinctive by now - and yet... she holds it back

Years of indoctrination have made it most of the way impossible to even consider anything less than hatred of the Pulse l'Cie, but as angry as Raines has made her in their time here in Garden, he's not one of them. She's seen the glow of his own Brand and the distinctive shape it takes the form of, and so regardless of him being the one who has actually managed to piss her off instead of being disliked simply for what he is...

A traitor is nearly as bad, and yet--

After what he said before, after what Rosch said and tried to do-- ]

Just... listen to me.

[ Her tone is uneven, as if those few words sorely hurt her just to force out. Her lungs really do sting like she's not getting enough air though, even though her breathing is deeper and a touch faster than baseline. As tense as she is, she still can't bring herself to drag her gaze up, and she pauses, abjectly miserable. ]

Out with it then.

[His words are clipped--exceptionally sharp.

There's an internal clock ticking. He's giving her his time, and if she doesn't start talking soon, he's leaving, irregardless of her request for him to stay and listen to her. Considering how she never listened to him, never bothered to listen to the logic of his words, it's probably a minor miracle that he's still bothering to pay attention to hers.

Were this a meeting several months before, Cid may have taken pity out of the way she stands, the way she's clearly not at peace with herself here, but he has no more sympathy left to give her. Does it matter that, for once, her tone contains none of the hate usually directed at him? No. It's too little too late.

He stares at her flatly, wishing his eyes could simply bore a hole through her mind and fish out the information himself. It would certainly save him some time at least.]

[ Claire is... suddenly aware that she's done one hell of a job here in ruining her chances in actually getting Raines to do what she just requested of him- the first time she's even come close to caring about that kind of thing, after he went and marked himself as a traitor... and thus basically a lost cause in trying to converse with in any way. Not unless she had a specific reason to attempt getting information from him.

Which is, of course, something she also gave up on already, trading her remaining opportunities for nothing but abrasiveness when it had also become clear nothing he said matched up with what she knew or wanted to hear.

Why should she care? Why does she care? Who knows, and again she's tempted to just turn around, forget she even tried to say anything more, and leave. Leave like she said she was going to.

... But, she can't. ]

Lieutenant Colonel Rosch was here, in Balamb.

[ She speaks very strangely when she finally forces the words out, very robotic, enunciating in a way that is both devoid of emotion and very nearly stripping out all emphasis on any one syllable over the others. The implications of the admission probably go without saying...

And immediately she hates herself for being pushed this far, for being so unsettled by the accusation she's not what she seems, that here she's issuing what could not just be taken as a warning to someone she's trained herself to hate, but is also far too telling about her and her problems and what's going on here.

She has a suspicion she knows exactly what conclusion he might jump to, after he's made it so abundantly clear he hates the fal'Cie- somehow he knows of Barthandelus, wears a Sanctum Brand, and yet apparently despises him in particular. So far, that's been absolutely nonsensical to her. Impossible under the circumstances she's familiar with.

Why is this happening?

And the most agitating thing is, if he manages to guess how terribly disastrous her run-in with her former superior was, based on her actions now, that she's apparently been kicked aside and painted an enemy and that's why she's upset... he'd be right. ]

[He takes in her words in silence, expression devoid of emotion. It's honestly not a lot, what she's given him, but it's enough; he doesn't need the entire puzzle completed to fill out the bigger picture. After all, if it were the Rosch from his world, nothing out of the his mouth would affect the woman this much. Superior officer or not, Claire's done a fair job of learning how to ignore anything she has no desire of hearing, irregardless of how logical it may be.

No, clearly, the man she speaks of is from her world.

So if whatever words transpired between them brought Claire Farron to her knees like this, it must have been something quite... catastrophic. Cid's seen her fall apart at his words as well, managed to find quite a few kinks in her armor, but he has to admit that Rosch has done any amazing job with her. Really, he can only see them as having discussed one thing.

Barthandelus isn't the fal'Cie she thought him to be.]

And what, exactly, do you expect me to do?

[He offers her no sympathy. How long and how hard had he tried to get her to understand? At one point, Cid may have thought that this would have been a moment of joy for him--a victory in some ways to help her realize how truly awful Barthandelus is, but he feels nothing. The Pulse l'Cie would eventually triumph, one way or another in their stubborn quest, and she would die, just as the fal'Cie wanted her to.]

Why are you telling me this? I am, as you said, a traitor, am I not?

[ The answer to that... could be very simple. In the matter of Garden security, what reason would she have not to tell him? Their worlds are not exactly the same, but wouldn't he still understand the gravity of the situation better than the natives in charge she's already told?

But of course, it's not like that at all, and Claire doesn't have an answer for him-- can't explain why she's talking now. She has no idea what to do here. None.

The fact that she's completely and utterly doomed is a conclusion she's already visited. If Rosch was lying, if he was a trick of some sort (which isn't out of the realm of possibility, given the influx of visitors with little better title than villains into this world), it... it still doesn't matter. The evidence is still there; the rules were changing even before Claire was whisked away to this place.

She's in major trouble. Should she return to her home as she is now, how is she supposed to explain the differences in her? And even if she could, how is she supposed to explain her involvement in the Palamecia, letting the Sanctum's flagship fall without the Pulse l'Cie going down with her? If Hope Estheim is alive, how is she supposed explain that?

And even if she were to bend to the possibility that she's been betrayed, that the Sanctum fal'Cie and the Pulse l'Cie aren't what she's been trained to believe over the course of her entire life... she's bound to be screwed there too. If she goes anywhere near 'her' l'Cie, she has zero doubts that they will kill her- just like she tried to do to them, and just like they'd tried to do to her before. If she turned herself in instead, relayed the fact that one of the l'Cie is her sister in an attempt to preempt any chances of looking like she's doing something she shouldn't, then there's also no telling what might happen... what the bonds between herself and her branding fal'Cie might be used for. If she defies her Focus, if that's even possible with the leash Barthandelus has on her in place, her Brand will advance and she will become a Cie'th.

In essence, she's a traitor, hosed no matter what she does, believes, or says. ]

Because...

[ She swallows, and her shoulders drop. There's no crying this time, but this is definitely a new low, as hopeless as the day her Brand disappeared and she was cornered on the street, half-wishing she would just die rather than face any truths that would finish tearing down her reason for living.

Honestly, she's never felt more lonely than she does now- confused and facing the prospect of the entire world turned against her-- she was supposed to be a hero! If she's meant to die a martyr with the wrong cause, then what's the point in not just giving up here? Why did she even bother peeling herself out of bed and curing away the evidence of hours of baffled despair, composing herself enough to go to the administration, pack up her things, and leave under a semblance of dignity...? ]

[ ... Except for the fact that she can't accept that kind of thinking. If she gives in without a fight, then whoever is the bad guy - Pulsian, Cocoon-borne, both, or neither - then they win. And really, this has nothing to do with her. PSICOM and Cocoon propaganda made her unerringly willing to believe in the evil of Pulse, but it also trained into her a loyalty: to Cocoon, and its millions of people. ]

Because-- I want to save Cocoon.

[ Her voice is still weakened, remarkably broken compared to the usual, but at last she drags her gaze back up, the light in her eyes turning to fire. She's already snapped once, but abruptly she snaps again in a totally different way, and suddenly, this has very little to do with Rosch or what Raines actually just asked her. Her anger blazes, but it's broken and desperate and what the fuck else is she supposed to do? ]

You told me once... that you were prepared to suffer the hate of everyone.

[ Gritting her teeth furiously, she raises a hand to her chest, fingers clenching against her clothing and digging into the skin beneath them. Upset as she is, here's her real question- ]

Whose side are you on?

I side with the people.

[There's no hesitation in his answer, no need to even think about it for a moment. Certainly, he will not deny his own error in judgement when he'd allowed himself to think that this was no longer an option--that to fulfill his Focus was the only path that he could take, but that too has passed. Given the chance to repeat the entire affair again, Cid would have given himself up to become a Cie'th instead. Would he have tried to kill off the Pulse l'Cie as well? Perhaps.

Still, he does need to expand on that one little line he used on her in the past. Misguided she may be, but this is something he can spare the time and energy for.]

That said, there was a time when I was selfish and placed my own... interests before that of the citizens.

[He steps closer to her and drops his voice. Even now, this is something he prefers not to talk about, and if he were to have a choice, Cid would've preferred discussing it somewhere more private. It's certainly not his best moment and never will be; he takes no pride in it, would rather distance himself from that part of his past, if it were possible.]

I was charged with aiding the Pulse l'Cie, in guiding them along the path to become Ragnarok--that was my Focus. [Briefly, he looks away, his gaze landing solidly on his right hand. Cid feels anger well up within him; disgust is quick to follow.] I was prepared to be hated by everyone because I allowed myself to follow through with my Focus--obeyed the direction of my master. I was willing to let Cocoon fall to its ruin.

At the time, I thought crystal stasis to be better than death... than to become a Cie'th. [He shakes his head.] But I was wrong. To betray the people in such a manner is far worse.

[And so he'd gone off to try and kill the Pulse l'Cie. In hindsight, taking on all six of them at once was perhaps not the best of ideas, but desperate times called for desperate measures. To let them escape to Pulse meant that they were beyond his reach, and he scarcely had the time to pick them off in smaller groups--not that they often separated to begin with.

He clearly remembers watching his brand evolve that night, remembers it like it were just yesterday. Cid had been a dutiful servant to Barthandelus, had not been put through any physical hardship; he still had a fair amount of time to complete his Focus when he challenged the Pulse l'Cie. To watch it grow and change--so quickly, so drastically--as he pit his will against that of his master... It had been liberating to know that he finally controlled his life once more.

True, he had expected that night to be his end: to either become a Cie'th once he had slain the Pulse l'Cie or to die at their hands, but that had been his choice and his alone. A faint smile pulls at his lips at the thought, even if that plan, too, ended up being a failure.]

I challenged my Focus and I paid the price--[And he'll pay for it still, should he ever be returned home. Though, at this point, Cid considers the eternal rest of death a reward, not a punishment.]--but I would do it all over again if it would help the citizens of Cocoon. I have no regrets.

[ Right now? Claire's not so open to the idea of people stepping closer to her like that- her shoulders turn to the side a bit, her frown deepening slightly as she watches Raines with wary eyes. Obviously, distrust is still very much written into her body language, but other than that, she stands her ground, listening very carefully.

Her chest clenches tight, and her hand doesn't leave its position pressed over her racing heart. A Sanctum l'Cie, with the Focus to protect Pulsian agents - the exact opposite of hers... he'd told her before that he'd known from the beginning that his Focus would do nothing but inspire ire in Cocoon's populace, but having it spelled out-- it doesn't make sense.

... And neither does that last claim. To challenge one's Focus is not just certain death for a l'Cie who attempts, but causes a fate worst than death. Everyone save for very small children knows that there's really no coming back from one being transformed into a Cie'th- the ultimate punishment for failure. A physical embodiment of eternal pain and regret.

Claire just closes her eyes. It really, really looks like she wants to reject this claim too, just as she has when hearing him say similar things so many times in the past. He can speak of siding with the people, but even if he's somehow sincere in that, she knows from experience that his implied proposal isn't what 'the people' want.

A fact nothing short of frustrating and a fine catalyst for even more confusion on the PSICOM officer's part. She turns her face away without responding at that, agitated and conflicted. It's hard to say what exactly getting an answer like that has accomplished, if anything at all.

-- Aside from still failing to cause her to blow up, that is. ]

[He watches quietly as her emotions play out across her face and through her body language. She says nothing, but in a way, Cid hadn't expected her to. At the very least, she hasn't lashed out yet or called him a traitor--in fact, he wonders if this may be the first time she's ever bothered to really listen to what he's said.

Does that mean he expects her to understand and accept any of it? No. That's a different matter altogether, and one that he's content to let her stew over on her own.

A wry smile pulls at his lips. If he ever runs into Rosch again, either his or hers, he may just have to thank him for shaking her this badly. It is not a kind thought, no, but perhaps it's just the thing she needs to get some sense thrown back into her system. It's just a shame, he thinks, that he hadn't been there to witness the exchange in person; the lieutenant colonel has quite a vicious presence when he wants to.

Cid sighs and takes a step away from her.]

Is there anything else?

[Because if not, then he has nothing else to say. Cid's already told her more than he'd originally planned to when he first saw her leaving, and he, by no means, intends to stop her from going anywhere.]

[Purely coincidence that they ran into each other. See, after everyone -- everyone -- getting on her case about her trips to the Training Center, Maria has finally backed off on them just a little. So she has to find other ways to keep herself fit and active. Which means early-morning jogs.]

[So coming in the front gate, Maria stops and salutes.] Ma'am, good morning.

[ This time, however, Maria's not getting Claire's normal response- not even a returning salute. There's a slight hesitance, but then she still just keeps walking, her eyes drifting away. Almost as if the woman doesn't even want to look at the cadet for very long. ]

[Now that IS odd. Odd enough that Maria can't help but stare, and (perhaps unwisely) speak up.]

Is... everything all right?

[ ... Alright, upset she may be, but not entirely separated from herself. Talked to directly and she pauses, although her stance indicates it's probably not for long. She's completely stiff as she looks over her shoulder. ]

I've resigned.

[ And is leaving, if that weren't already obvious by context- the bag, the weapons, her plain clothing... ]

[The only thing keeping her from laughing is the knowledge that the Instructor doesn't joke. She turns sharply, slamming directly into the turnstile she'd just come through, so hard she almost flips. Never mind that.]

Resigned?!

That's right.

[ Her voice remains neutral- too neutral, her expression remaining completely steady throughout and afterward. Disapproval of anyone who has actually found it in themselves to genuinely like her or not, she's made her decision. ]

[Maria has no delusions about her ability to change Claire's mind. None at all. But, self-centered girl that she is, she feels she's owed an explanation.]

...Why?

I've had enough.

[ That's both the short and the more information than is really necessary version, even if it doesn't really seem like it. The woman's brows seem to be trying to meet halfway over her pale eyes, and again it's almost as if she wants to look anywhere but at Maria.

After all, the explanation for her leaving probably doesn't even make sense to anyone but her anyway... especially when her reason for staying doesn't really hold up to the logic of most people, either.

She can't stay though- not any more if she's planning on keeping herself from exploding without warning. That's the core of it. ]

[With that explanation and Claire's refusal to look at her... Maria immediately jumps to a wrong, self-centered conclusion. This was her fault. She'd pressed too hard, hadn't done well enough, had just... not been good enough. She'd irritated away the one Instructor she liked most.]

[Stupid, self-centered, wrong.]

[Still, that's why she practically staggers like she's been hit in the gut, her face draining of blood. She takes a deep breath, swallows, then forces herself to stand straight and salute again.]

I wish you the best, ma'am. It's been... an honor to have your instruction.

[ And naturally Claire's not privy to Maria's misinterpretation, although- ]

... Thank you.

[ And alongside the highly unusual, soft sadness in her voice, she means it, really, whether or not Maria catches the intent and sudden show of sincerity. For better or worse, Claire does consider being an instructor positive; if anything, that's her one regret here in leaving behind the act of residing at Garden. ]

[There's not much more she can say. Both for lack of words and a lack of ability to get them out, because her throat has closed up entirely.]

[All she can do is hold that pose, that salute, to serve as something of an honor guard. A witness to her exit.]

[She wouldn't cry, though. Wouldn't let herself. She'll only let herself get mad, in time.]

[I'm resigning. Once upon a time Serah might have actually felt relieved to see those words in relation to Claire; however, after all this time it simply leaves her confused.]

[Why? Why is Claire resigning? Why now? Had something happened while she'd been in that coma? Well there's only one way to find out!]

[It takes her a moment to really gather herself together, but she's not scared... at least not as much as she used to be anyway. She's older now, tougher, and she's been through so much. What's a sister who isn't quite her sister on top of everything else she's been through?]

[So there goes Serah, tearing through Garden to look for Claire. Hoping beyond hope that she can find the other women before she leaves. Aha! There!]

Claire! Claire, wait!

[ It takes Claire a second or two to finally react. Hearing her sister call out her name - her given name - seems more like something that's in her head rather than anything real. In her current state, it feels flat-out surreal... something that doesn't fade even as her steps falter and she turns her head to actually see the younger woman coming toward her.

She'd heard that Serah here was in the infirmary, had gotten out of the infirmary, and of course she'd wondered about it, knowing what that usually means when facing down the prospect of Time Compression continuing to meddle in everyone's lives...

But the saddest thing is- she can't even tell if Serah looks any older now. She frowns, stiffening... although curiously, she's agitated rather than angry, and slants her face away in what is nothing short of avoidance. Her chest burns, her entire body from the shoulders down tense. ]

What?

[She's not even that much younger than her anymore, which will be lovely mindbreak for Serah to think about later.]

[It's also pretty easy to not realize that Serah is quite a bit older than she had been, it's not like she's changed too much over the time she spent living on Pulse. Which means the loli jokes and underage quips will likely never die, sadly.]

[The way Claire responds - the lack of any obvious anger, and the way she avoids looking at her all confuses Serah. So it takes her a moment to respond, though it likely would have from the start. She'd forgotten to prepare what to say in advance. So instead of anything overly memorable she blurts out the first thing on her mind.]

Why'd you resign?

What do you mean?

[ Claire's voice is low, and although she looks toward Serah, it's not at her; she just stares in the general direction of the woman's hips with a blank expression, as if she doesn't understand at all the question being asked.

Why? Why does Serah even care? It isn't surprising that people might wonder why she's leaving, of course, even if she can't muster the motivation to contrive a sufficient explanation, but the idea of any of the odd copies of people here hunting her down to ask themselves - without a sneer or some other sign of disdain or triumph along for the ride - doesn't quite process correctly. ]

I'm leaving Garden.

[ Not the best of, or even close to being an efficient answer, and Claire's frustration with that clearly shows, her weight shifting. ]

[ very backdated action/text ] ϟ [ 06 ]

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1/2

WHY/2

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Before I forget.... again

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sorry for the intense delay ._.