Balamb Newsletter, Volume 3, Issue 1

[wrnpcs]

[What's this in the GFC section of the BBS and in the long empty racks in the cafeteria? Why, it's the newsletter!

[Those reading the print version may notice something different to the newsletter's last publication: It is now full of ads from local Balamb businesses, as well as some mail order services from further afield. Did you think the budget cuts only hit SeeD salaries? Think again.

[That said, despite the different coding, please assume the print version is in columns like previous newsletters. We simply wanted to make it easier for screen reading!]

Balamb Garden Mercenary Academy
Study hard. Work hard. Play hard.
Trimester 1, 2013 · Monday February 11th · Volume 3, Issue 1

Balamb Newsletter returns

by Russell Drake, Cadet #41963

After a long absence from Garden, the Garden Festival Committee has brought back the Balamb Newsletter with the help of some very generous sponsors! We hope to publish a new issue at least twice every trimester. If you have any news queries, story suggestions, or story feedback, please contact a GFC member.

Zabala seeks secretary

by Helena Oster, Cadet #67749

Following several visits regarding the announcement of last break's mandatory Island Closest to Heaven mission, Commander Erlea Zabala seeks a SeeD willing to serve as her secretary until a suitable candidate for full time secretarial work can be found. Applicants may private message the Commander at #71110 or apply in person at her office.

Additionally, cadets, staff, and SeeDs are reminded that the Commander handles only SeeD business and missions. For inquiries about the building, enrollment, or non-SeeD employment, please see Headmaster Cid Kramer. For academic advice, please see the specialization advisers listed in the course catalogue and/or Olivia Smith, Dean of Academics.

Organisations to be reorganised

by Tarquin Limacher, Cadet #68438

With the start of the new trimester, the structure of clubs and committees within Balamb Garden has been overhauled into new organisations. The changes will allow SeeDs and Instructors to join organisations and participate in their activities. The aim is to allow graduates to support and mentor our current cadets, and enable a stronger sense of unity within Balamb Garden.

Existing clubs, such as the Garden Festival Committee, will continue to run as normal. Proposals for new organisations should be submitted to the Headmaster. However, please note that some subject-based organisations will require a SeeD or Instructor as its leader, based on the Headmaster's discretion.

For those who wish to join or rejoin the GFC, please make enquiries to Russell Drake or Zainah Coppell.

The training mission from hell

by Scarlett Machado, Cadet #32759

Over the past few weeks, everyone in Balamb Garden who has passed PMGF 101 has been subject to a training mission fighting the monsters on the Island Closest to Heaven at least once every three days of the break. From its very announcement, this practical lesson in pain management, teamwork, perseverance, and tactics has been controversial, with former WTR 501 and 502 Instructor Espio the Chameleon publicly resigning in protest.

The Island Closest to Heaven is known for its strong monsters, a reputation which Cadets and SeeDs alike found was entirely deserved. "It's been a long time since I've had my [censored] beaten this badly," said SeeD Chase Kelly, and for some Cadets, it was the first such time they had been beaten so badly at all.

"I never want to see a Chimera again," said Cadet Sarah Sullivan. "I would have died if it wasn't for my GF."

Cadet Koriand'r called the mission "a good, but difficult challenge", which many would call an understatement.

"I don't know what the off-worlders are complaining about," said Cadet Emil Cherevko. "Most of them have weird powers that would have helped them. We just had our junctioning and our training."

"If they'd wanted a practical training mission, we could have easily gone to Centra," added a cadet who wishes to remain anonymous. "I bet we only went to the Island Closest to Heaven because the off-worlders have all those powers. It isn't fair on the rest of us."

The challenge was not only unfair on the Island, but for the infirmary, where resident physician Dr. Kadowaki, apprentice doctor Touma H. Norstein, and the medical team of healers had to deal with a constant flow of injuries ranging from minor to near fatal, in between visiting the Island themselves.

"I'm grateful for the advance warning, however limited, as being able to prepare and adjust our triage system accordingly helped ensure we didn't need a quad-based emergency site as was needed after the Galbadian attack," said SeeD Norstein.

The infirmary saw some repeat patients who visited the Island more than the required once every three days, such as Cadet Edward Elric, who refused to "say anything about how stupid [the mission] was".

ITM 101 Instructor Horace Slughorn was also put to the test on campus grounds. With the Island's isolation from civilization, Instructor Slughorn and a team of volunteers (mostly Cadets who did not qualify for the mission) were Garden's sole supplier of Potions and other crafted healing items after the initial supply ran out, as well as of off-world healing concoctions such as the mysterious Skele-Grow. That bone regrowing potion has helped many a patient with crushed bones, such as Cadet Russell Drake, whose jaw was crushed by a Tri-Face.

"Instructor Slughorn's Skele-Grow potion grew my jaw back overnight, even if it hurt like hell," he said.

Despite these injuries, we have all come out alive and for the most part no worse for wear, ready to start another school year. We can only hope that these lessons do not prove as necessary as Commander Erlea Zabala has recently warned us they may be.

"The sky was extra dusty with the dust of war," said SeeD Marco, who was on rescue duty and flying the injured back to Garden for healing. "Good job."

Kushal's Kitchen

by Kushal Goeller, Cadet #56048

Welcome to Kushal's Kitchen, the recipe column for people who think they can't cook! Because even people who haven't taken HEC 101 get sick of cafeteria food sometimes.

Garden, since we're getting right back into the new school year after that awful mission on the Island Closest to Hell, I'm sure we could all use a little comfort food. That early spring time weather isn't warming up quite fast enough for us, either, after that unusual snowdump we had at the end of the year! So this newsletter, I'm sharing my chocolate mug cake recipe with you all.

This recipe is gluten free if you use the right flour!

Ingredients:

3 tbsp flour

3 tbsp sugar

3 tbsp cocoa

3 tbsp chocolate chips

1 egg

3 tbsp milk

3 tbsp oil

Vanilla essence

Mix the dry ingredients in a small bowl. Add egg, milk, oil, and a little vanilla essence and mix well. Pour into a large mug and microwave in a 1000W microwave oven for three minutes. If it overflows, it will shrink down again as it cools down. Eat with cream, ice cream, or yoghurt if you like your desserts really sweet. Delicious!

UPCOMING EVENTS

Charity Trolley Dash

Time: Saturday March 2nd, 1200
Place: Meeting at the Balamb Hotel

Fancy doing something completely reckless and dangerous while dressed like an idiot? Form a team of two, dress up in costume, and wheel each other in a shopping trolley, at top speed, around a specially designed course that will inevitably result in hurling people out of their runaway vehicles - we all know that shopping trolleys are not the easiest things to steer! Para-magic, GFs, and off-world powers are banned from the competition; using any of these will result in disqualification.

100 gil each to participate, 250 to watch! Proceeds go to the Balamb Town Hospital childrens ward.

Winning team gets a large box of cupcakes.