[PM to Twilight Sparkle]

[kitchenfistfirechaosstyle]

Ms. Sparkle, may I request a moment of your time when it is convenient to you? I wish to speak to you about a mutual friend of ours!

~Champloo, Home Ec teacher

Comments

[marearcana]

Of course, but who?

[The rest of the message is a helpful list of times she will be available.]

[kitchenfistfirechaosstyle]

Pinkie Pie.

Earlier would be better. Shall we meet in the library? She is less likely to come across us there, I think.

[marearcana]

That's probably a good idea. I'll see you then.

[->Action!]

[kitchenfistfirechaosstyle]

[At the appointed time, Champloo is waiting in the library, in a chair. The heels of his hands are pressed together, fingers drumming against each other, uncharacteristically fidgety.]

[Action] until thread terminates

[marearcana]

[This must be him, but just to be sure...]

You are Instructor Champloo, correct?

[kitchenfistfirechaosstyle]

[He rises politely, with a smile.]

That I am. It is a shame that we have a friend in common, but haven't met before this. The spices of friendship are better blended!

[marearcana]

I agree, although I don't think I would need to use metaphor to say that. So what is it about Pinkie that you wanted to talk about?

[kitchenfistfirechaosstyle]

[Champloo sighs, frowning. Being uncertain on how to act, and confused in general, is alarmingly rare for the demon -- if it happens once every hundred years, he would consider that very often indeed! It is difficult for him to speak openly.]

Hyahya, well. This is not easy to say openly, but. Over the time I have come to know Pinkie, and the time I have spent with her, I have come to view her with an interest that is not purely platonic.

[He pauses, both to judge Twilight's reaction to this comment, and to accept that he has, in fact, just admitted openly what he's been aware of for some time.]

[marearcana]

So you're... in love with her?

[kitchenfistfirechaosstyle]

I would not say the tea is yet so sweet... but sugar is being added, and I would enjoy drinking.

[He uses metaphors like this, and then wonders why he's not quite able to bridge the communication gap.]

[marearcana]

I see.

[She totally doesn't.]

I take it you haven't told her any of this?

[kitchenfistfirechaosstyle]

[He folds his arms, looking down with a wry expression.]

I am not certain this is a wise feeling to have. Pinkie is... Pinkie. Matters such as romance do not enter her head, and the type of date she is most familiar with comes from a palm tree.

[marearcana]

Whether or not it's wise, it is how you feel. I would have to agree with you on that second part, though.

[kitchenfistfirechaosstyle]

[Yes, that hadn't actually been learned from personal experience... eh heh heh...]

It is how I feel. But I do not wish to cause Pinkie pain in any way.

That is why I wished to ask your advice. Pinkie and I are are much the same; we follow our hearts, without fear of what is 'expected' or 'usual'! But this similarity is what makes this so difficult! She has always spoken of you as a intelligent and rational mare; I am hoping that with an outside perspective, and a friend's knowledge of Pinkie, you could advise me.

[marearcana]

I wouldn't want to hurt her, either. But if I'm right, she probably won't take it too hard. She's incredibly resilient that way.

[And if she's wrong... well. better to not think about that.]

I think you should talk to her about this.

[kitchenfistfirechaosstyle]

Do you have a suggestion how? This will be like trying to explain I wish to cook a meal with her, when she does not even understand what the ingredients are!

[marearcana]

True, that would be difficult.

[Today's secret ingredient is...]

But I think it will be worth it. Trying to use reason with her is not exactly productive, as you've probably already figured out.

[kitchenfistfirechaosstyle]

Hyahya, that does not worry me. Pinkie and I share many ingredients in common! But... explaining this recipe from scratch will be difficult. I do not want her to misunderstand my intentions...

[He exhaled broadly.]

How do you explain love, romance, dating, all these things to someone with no understanding of them?

[marearcana]

That is the crux of the issue...

Would you say that you have been dating in the past, or that things you've done together are date-like?

[kitchenfistfirechaosstyle]

Would you say that habaneros are spicier than jalapenos?

[So, yes, in other words.]

[marearcana]

Well, if we're talking thermal temperature it would be impossible to tell.

If you go by the Scofilly scale, though, it's obvious that the habañero is spicier, or "hotter".

And since you've been doing date-like things, it shouldn't be hard for her to put a new name to something she's already been doing.

[kitchenfistfirechaosstyle]

And the new activities associated with dating properly? That is where my apprehension lies.

[marearcana]

Well, you could always break it as part of an "I Want To Be Your Special Someone" party. That would probably work.

Of course, she'd probably want to throw a party celebrating the fact that she had a special someone right after that, so maybe that isn't such a good idea.

[kitchenfistfirechaosstyle]

"Special Someone"? Is that terminology she might better comprehend?

[marearcana]

I think so. Of course, I'm more familiar with it as "special somepony" but I tweaked it so that the meaning isn't lost on non-ponies.

Or non-humans, for that matter. Before I was whisked here, I'd known her as a pony, and I'm not sure exactly what happened with her. For all I know she's from some bizarre alternate Equestria where everypony is human.

[But she doesn't know for sure.]

[kitchenfistfirechaosstyle]

[Champloo visibly brightens as Twilight agrees.]

Excellent! Perhaps we can achieve a suitable blending of spices if we can both read the cookbook, boom!

[marearcana]

Uhhhh, sure.

[Literary analysis skills or no, that still flew a bit above her head.]

[kitchenfistfirechaosstyle]

Hyahyahya! Thank you very much for your help. I do not know how the recipe will turn out, but at least now I can start to cook!

[marearcana]

Oh, it's not that much of a problem, really. After all, it is for a friend of ours...

[kitchenfistfirechaosstyle]

A very good friend indeed! I would shake your hand it gratitude, but you cannot drink from an empty glass.

[marearcana]

[Wait, wha- oh, duh.]

Actually, a hoofshake is fine.

[She extends one, to make the offer hopefully more clear.]

[kitchenfistfirechaosstyle]

[He clasps her hoof and shakes firmly, still beaming.]

Thank you. For the help and for allowing me to speak of it.

[marearcana]

You're welcome!

And I'll do whatever I can to keep this from her. Otherwise we'd be missing the point.

[kitchenfistfirechaosstyle]

To show my gratitude to you, may I prepare a meal for you in the future?

[marearcana]

Sure?

Of course, it will have to be vegetarian, but somehow I don't think you'll have a problem with that.

[kitchenfistfirechaosstyle]

Of course not! I have been making a particular study of exactly that sort of dish!

[marearcana]

Good, just let me know when it's ready.