[action] lizards in trousers

[espio]

[Let it be known that this is the most dressed Espio has ever been. In his entire life, he has never been this dressed. Mainly because of one thing: trousers.

Espio's never worn trousers before, but here he is, sulking on a bench dressed in a shirt and trousers. And why? Because one Miss Rarity effectively forced him into them while fitting his uniform. She'd had to design them specifically to fit his awkward body shape, and insisted that he kept a pair on for at least an hour or two just so that he'd learn to feel comfortable in them.

Rarity's words: "You simply can not attend a formal dance until you can wear a uniform without looking as though you've swallowed a pinecone."]

Pinecone... why pinecone? That sounds stupid...

[Shuffle. Shuffle. This is not comfortable.]

Comments

[fierybluebird]

What about pinecones?

[espio]

Nothing.

[fierybluebird]

Why are you wearing pants?

[Don't you love this question?]

[espio]

...would you believe me if I said a unicorn made me?

[fierybluebird]

Sadly, yes.

So why did he? Or she.

[espio]

According to her, she wants me to attend this party tomorrow without looking like I've "swallowed a pinecone." Her words, not mine. Personally, I think torture was more on her mind.

[fierybluebird]

Could you just camouflage pants to fake it when necessary?

[espio]

Tried it. She wasn't having any of it. Told me to stop being a child, then added something about how hard it was to design ones that fit me, and she can't believe the ingratitude of some people.

[Shrug.

Yeah, as you can imagine, he drove poor Rarity up the wall.]

[fierybluebird]

Wish I could help, but this is why I wear shorts. Well, short enough pants that they stay off my talons.

[espio]

[Grumble.]

Humans and human-like things are built stupidly and have all their genitals hanging out. That's why you have to wear trousers. For me I don't see why it's such a big deal! I only have to get into fancy dress for one party, and I don't even see why I have to do that!

[Actually, considering this will now be the most formal thing he owns, chances are high it'll be the default formalwear choice from here on.]

By the way, tell Grell she needs to go talk to this unicorn.

[fierybluebird]

You mean mammals. All mammals do. [So amused.] It's just most mammals are hairier than humans, or don't give a fuck.

Why Grell?? And you know... now I have to wonder what the unicorn is wearing if it's so important.

[espio]

[Well, actually, no. Not all mammals do. He knows plenty of mammals, and last he checked their genitals didn't hang out. But whatever.

He pulls something out of his trouser pocket - that's at least one thing trousers can offer! - and offers it to Marco. It's a design for a very fancy formal dress.]

She designs dresses. Bet she'd like a new project.

[fierybluebird]

Oh! Good! Grell was worried about how expensive wedding dresses would be.

[He made a ton on his mission, but even still...]

[espio]

I don't expect she'll work for free, I mean it's actually her job... but she might charge you a lot less than anyone native, and who else'd be able to say they had a wedding dress made by a unicorn?

[fierybluebird]

Good enough by me.

[Takes the papers to give to Grell.]

Oh hey, that reminds me. I keep forgetting, have I asked you to be my best man yet? Because... I meant to ages ago.

[espio]

No, you haven't.

[bratbeyond]

[Headtilt. Something's different about Espio, but Damian's not quite sure what it is...]

Pinecones? Why're you talking about those?

[espio]

Because of unicorns.

[bratbeyond]

Really? When'd we get one of those?

[espio]

Apparently, she's in charge of uniforms now.

[bratbeyond]

Huh. How does she sew things? With magic?

[... he's not even surprised anymore, just curious.]

[espio]

Yup, magic. She levitates stuff with her horn.

[Including him, at one point, much to his irritation.]

[bratbeyond]

Tch. I'd say I'd want to see it, but judging by how that usually goes, I think I'm better off waiting until I need a new uniform.

[fierybluebird]

What... seriously??? Well... you knew it was coming right? I mean you're my brother.

[espio]

Actually... [has the decency to look completely embarassed] I... kind of forgot about the best man completely, let alone the fact you still needed one...