[There's no hesitation in his answer, no need to even think about it for a moment. Certainly, he will not deny his own error in judgement when he'd allowed himself to think that this was no longer an option--that to fulfill his Focus was the only path that he could take, but that too has passed. Given the chance to repeat the entire affair again, Cid would have given himself up to become a Cie'th instead. Would he have tried to kill off the Pulse l'Cie as well? Perhaps.
Still, he does need to expand on that one little line he used on her in the past. Misguided she may be, but this is something he can spare the time and energy for.]
That said, there was a time when I was selfish and placed my own... interests before that of the citizens.
[He steps closer to her and drops his voice. Even now, this is something he prefers not to talk about, and if he were to have a choice, Cid would've preferred discussing it somewhere more private. It's certainly not his best moment and never will be; he takes no pride in it, would rather distance himself from that part of his past, if it were possible.]
I was charged with aiding the Pulse l'Cie, in guiding them along the path to become Ragnarok--that was my Focus. [Briefly, he looks away, his gaze landing solidly on his right hand. Cid feels anger well up within him; disgust is quick to follow.] I was prepared to be hated by everyone because I allowed myself to follow through with my Focus--obeyed the direction of my master. I was willing to let Cocoon fall to its ruin.
At the time, I thought crystal stasis to be better than death... than to become a Cie'th. [He shakes his head.] But I was wrong. To betray the people in such a manner is far worse.
[And so he'd gone off to try and kill the Pulse l'Cie. In hindsight, taking on all six of them at once was perhaps not the best of ideas, but desperate times called for desperate measures. To let them escape to Pulse meant that they were beyond his reach, and he scarcely had the time to pick them off in smaller groups--not that they often separated to begin with.
He clearly remembers watching his brand evolve that night, remembers it like it were just yesterday. Cid had been a dutiful servant to Barthandelus, had not been put through any physical hardship; he still had a fair amount of time to complete his Focus when he challenged the Pulse l'Cie. To watch it grow and change--so quickly, so drastically--as he pit his will against that of his master... It had been liberating to know that he finally controlled his life once more.
True, he had expected that night to be his end: to either become a Cie'th once he had slain the Pulse l'Cie or to die at their hands, but that had been his choice and his alone. A faint smile pulls at his lips at the thought, even if that plan, too, ended up being a failure.]
I challenged my Focus and I paid the price--[And he'll pay for it still, should he ever be returned home. Though, at this point, Cid considers the eternal rest of death a reward, not a punishment.]--but I would do it all over again if it would help the citizens of Cocoon. I have no regrets.
no subject
[There's no hesitation in his answer, no need to even think about it for a moment. Certainly, he will not deny his own error in judgement when he'd allowed himself to think that this was no longer an option--that to fulfill his Focus was the only path that he could take, but that too has passed. Given the chance to repeat the entire affair again, Cid would have given himself up to become a Cie'th instead. Would he have tried to kill off the Pulse l'Cie as well? Perhaps.
Still, he does need to expand on that one little line he used on her in the past. Misguided she may be, but this is something he can spare the time and energy for.]
That said, there was a time when I was selfish and placed my own... interests before that of the citizens.
[He steps closer to her and drops his voice. Even now, this is something he prefers not to talk about, and if he were to have a choice, Cid would've preferred discussing it somewhere more private. It's certainly not his best moment and never will be; he takes no pride in it, would rather distance himself from that part of his past, if it were possible.]
I was charged with aiding the Pulse l'Cie, in guiding them along the path to become Ragnarok--that was my Focus. [Briefly, he looks away, his gaze landing solidly on his right hand. Cid feels anger well up within him; disgust is quick to follow.] I was prepared to be hated by everyone because I allowed myself to follow through with my Focus--obeyed the direction of my master. I was willing to let Cocoon fall to its ruin.
At the time, I thought crystal stasis to be better than death... than to become a Cie'th. [He shakes his head.] But I was wrong. To betray the people in such a manner is far worse.
[And so he'd gone off to try and kill the Pulse l'Cie. In hindsight, taking on all six of them at once was perhaps not the best of ideas, but desperate times called for desperate measures. To let them escape to Pulse meant that they were beyond his reach, and he scarcely had the time to pick them off in smaller groups--not that they often separated to begin with.
He clearly remembers watching his brand evolve that night, remembers it like it were just yesterday. Cid had been a dutiful servant to Barthandelus, had not been put through any physical hardship; he still had a fair amount of time to complete his Focus when he challenged the Pulse l'Cie. To watch it grow and change--so quickly, so drastically--as he pit his will against that of his master... It had been liberating to know that he finally controlled his life once more.
True, he had expected that night to be his end: to either become a Cie'th once he had slain the Pulse l'Cie or to die at their hands, but that had been his choice and his alone. A faint smile pulls at his lips at the thought, even if that plan, too, ended up being a failure.]
I challenged my Focus and I paid the price--[And he'll pay for it still, should he ever be returned home. Though, at this point, Cid considers the eternal rest of death a reward, not a punishment.]--but I would do it all over again if it would help the citizens of Cocoon. I have no regrets.